November 9, 2015

Blogger fail

I feel like such a terrible blogger. Ever since this time last year, my enthusiasm and interest in blogging went down the tub. Don't get me wrong: I love the idea that I can communicate with many people at once about my goings ons. In fact, I feel quite guilty when I don't blog simply because I know some of you are actually interested in how I am doing south of the border. However, I am finding it harder and harder to carve out the time to blog, and then so much happens that to blog about it all would be overwhelming. Sigh. Indeed, in my former life, writing about my thoughts, feelings and activities was a much needed outlet. Now, it has strangely become just another thing to do. I wonder where my deep longing to engage with the written word has run off to. Will it ever return? I hope so. Otherwise the dramatics of my 20's will be the pinnacle of my sad literary career. 

Meanwhile, gentle readers, I leave you two things: a quick synopsis of my current life and a reflective entry from a long-forgotten post in my Facebook notes from 2008. 

First: synopsis. Work is going well. Still travelling some but the initial fervor has died down a bit. Looking forward to spending Thanksgiving with some work friends in a sick house on the beach with an infinity pool. Also looking forward to coming home for Christmas! Ivan is in week three of a great new job with Experian! He's doing what he wants to be doing and we are both very happy that he is gainfully employed. Everyone is happy and healthy in my world, missing autumn and all pumpkin flavored things but totally overjoyed not to be cold. 

Second: Throwback to 2008, reminding me that my reflections then were eerily relevant to my future some years later, as well as in 2008, apparently. 


Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.


When I read poetry, it makes me realize how little humanity has changed over time. Maybe Frost didn't have to deal with rush hour traffic or stock options, but the basic struggles he faced were the same that we do today. Frost wonders- where do I go from here? Faced with a decision, Frost knows that there is no turning back once a decision is made. On that fateful morning, Frost wonders do I take the road less traveled?

We all have those sort of mornings. We wake up and say "is that what I want to be doing? Have I traveled the right path?". I woke up one morning in late March and asked myself the same question- was I happy with the road I was traveling?

The answer, I found, was no. And so I found myself standing on a precipice. Do I take the road I planned or do I seek another road? At first, I didn't think there was another road. But after looking for a bit I found it- a grassy, limb-covered road that I never would have found without looking for it. So there I was, just like Frost, facing two roads. One was the road I decided for myself two years ago that was preened and clear from years of mental contemplation. The other road, the new road, was scary. I knew very little about it or where it would lead.

I took the road less traveled. With one foot in front of the other, I started down a new road and I don't know where each turn will bring me. But despite the unfamiliar landscape, I wake up each morning happy with the decision I made. Because of that, I muster up a little faith and continue my journey.


I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

September 30, 2015

My September Disappeared in a Blur of Travel

Oh my goodness where has September gone? I am sure that time moves faster down here! It has been a great month with lots of travelling and more settling in the the rhythm of things. We got the bike all maintenanced up and inspected, which she passed with flying colors. I still won't drive her and am I not sure if I will, but so far it has worked out fine since I take the school bus to and from school and Ivan ends up using the bike to do his things. The rainy season has hit in full force this month, so that kind of cramps any significant travel plans after noon. I mean, we have rain gear, but nobody wants to drive on a moto in a monsoon, which is usually what the rain at this time of year amounts to. 

Monsoons aside, we have gotten a lot of travel in. The second week of September Ivan, eight other teachers and myself caravaned (in cars!) five hours all the way to the north pacific coast to the popular beach town of Tamarindo. Tamarindo hosts a race during this weekend each year and a few of the teachers and Ivan were participating. We got a BEAUTIFUL AirBnB rental house on Playa Grande, the beach just walking distance from the town. I say walking distance because indeed, we could walk down the beach 15 minutes and reach Tamarindo. However, there is a small watershed between the two which requires a quick boat ride across. Not a big deal during the day, but since the racers had to be in Tamarindo at 4:30am, a quick jaunt across in a boat wasn't really an option. So instead, they had to drive to Tamarindo, turning the 15 minute walk into a 45 minute drive! There is no direct road across the estuary, so to drive from Playa Grande to Tamarino you have to basically come all the way back inland and loop around, over some really rough dirt roads no less! So after getting in at 11pm on Friday night the poor racers had to be up and out the door by 3am to get to the race before they closed the roads. Despite being sleep deprived, everyone did well. Ivan did the half marathon so fast that he had already crossed the finish line by the time I arrived to cheer him on at 7:30am! The rest of the trip was so wonderful and relaxing. The beach was beautiful with perfect surfing waves and lots of pretty shells and rocks. After the race, we didn't go back into Tamarindo but instead hung out at the house/pool/beach. On Saturday night we walked around the small beach community in Playa Grande, finding a great restaurant attached to the well-known Bula Bula Hotel. We stayed through Sunday afternoon before making the trek back to San Jose. Tamarindo and Playa Grande are definitely longer weekend trips, but we had Tuesday off as a national holiday to recover, which was necessary for sure!

The next weekend Ana Ligia, our wonderful HR manager, invited a bunch of teachers to her parents' home outside of Cartago. Cartago is a small, very historical city about a half hour outside of east San Jose, well known for some of it's historical churches, most famously the cathedral that houses La Negrita, the patron "saint" of Costa Rica. Ana Ligia's parents' home was about 30 minutes outside of Cartago with beautiful views of the mountains. They have a full guesthouse/bar, so we just ate and drank and enjoyed one another's company for whole evening, with many of us staying the night to avoid the long drive home. The next morning we trekked into Cartago proper, where we had breakfast and checked out the cathedral. There were of course Sunday morning services so we couldn't get close enough to check out La Negrita. You guys really need to look up the story about La Negrita. It is really interesting! Additionally, every August 2nd one MILLION pilgrims walk to Cartago from all over the country to pay homage to this little lady, some of them finishing the last few hundred yards on their knees. I have no idea how that many people fit in Cartago, because it is not a big place, but who knows maybe I'll make the walk next year and check it out!

Last weekend was just THE BEST. My wonderful friend Sarah flew down just for the weekend to hang out! She found a great deal on Southwest, which has direct flights out of Baltimore (TAKE NOTE PEOPLE) and decided to come down for a long weekend. Ivan and rented a car (WHICH WAS SO MUCH FUN AND NOW I WANT TO BUY A CAR), picked her up at the airport at 1pm Friday and made our way to the pacific coast. We rented a two bedroom apartment on the Punta Leona Resort, which is only about an hour and a half outside of San Jose. The resort is huge, with many different hotels, chalets, apartments, homes etc, along with a number of restaurants, three pools, two beaches, mini golf and a partridge in a pear tree. We checked in and by 3:45 were at the beach! Their beach, Playa Blanca, is really beautiful with soft waves, soft sand and really nice beach chairs! We watched the sunset from the beach, which is particularly beautiful as it sets behind the mountains of Guanacaste, the peninsula across the bay. After dinner (where Ivan finally got to eat his whole fish!) we passed out happy. On Saturday we spent the ENTIRE DAY at the beach! We arrived around 8am and while Sarah and I claimed our chairs, Ivan went back to the apartment and cooked us breakfast! He showed up two hours later with egg, tomato and avocado wraps! What a great start to our day! Around 2pm a flock of scarlet macaws all randomly showed up and took up residence in a tree right on the beach. Sarah and I floated in the water just watching them eat- they were so big and beautiful! And so funny to watch interact with one another. After a half hour and without warning they ALL suddenly took off, first in one direction then the other, in almost perfect synchrony. Watching a flock of over 30 scarlet macaws flying is truly incredible! We headed home to shower, got dinner and hit up the outdoor bar for a night cap, where Sarah and I tried a drink called "silk stockings" that was make of Gin, a liquor called "Perfect Love" that was purple, evaporated milk and coconut milk. It doesn't sound all that great but it was AMAZING. We took our milk-filled bellies home, played some games and went to bed before midnight. We. are. totally. over. thirty.

On Sunday, we hung out at the beach in the morning and then decided to make the trek to Volcan Poas, a volcano north of San Jose and about two hours from the resort. Yes, it blows my mind too that I can drive two hours from a beautiful beach to a volcano. I drove the whole way and it was crazy to watch both the scenery and feel the temperature change- very hot to actually chilly. Despite our best efforts, we did not actually get to go check out the volcano- due to lightning in the area, the park was closed! We made the best of it though, buying strawberries from a street vendor and then heading to a well-known restaurant near the peak where we had the best hot chocolate of our lives, paired with some crazy dessert that mixed plantains, strawberry jam and excessive cheese. We got back home around 6pm, reconnected to our work emails and went to bed. The next morning we had breakfast together and I went to work while Ivan took Sarah to the airport and returned the rental. And now here I am on September 30th wondering where the month went, but it's pretty obvious that I just filled it to the brim! 

September 2, 2015

Two Weekends: Two Adventures!

What a fantastic two weeks we have had! We've had two incredibly adventurous weekends with two solid work weeks in between. Two Sundays ago Ivan and I met up with the San Jose Kymco Scooter club. We happened to catch a small group week, as it was just us, the leader, a 27 year old super scooter enthusiast named Ever and a charming couple in their late thirties named Jimsy and Eric. All of us had some version of a Kymco Scooter with CC's ranging from 275-500, so we were all stocked and ready for the open road. Our trip took us  down the autopista for a while and then on to a beautiful, curvy back road through some of the most beautiful mountains, hills and small towns. It looked like we were in the Shenandoah Valley, not Central America! Each small town has a town center with a lovely church, so passing through each town brings something interesting to look at. It took us a bit more than an hour on the road to reach our destination: Zarcero. Zarcero is a small town with an incredible central plaza, notable for some crazy and beautiful shrub sculptures and a beautiful church. 






We spent most of the morning into the afternoon just lounging around the plaza enjoying the day. On the way back we passed through a different set of towns, including Sarchi, famous for their artisan furniture and "ox carts", a Costa Rican-specific artisan craft that consists of a brightly painted ox cart wheel sold at great expense. On the way back we also hit some rain but I was surprised at what a non-event it was with all the rain gear on. The bike handled great and we are looking forward to going again. 

This past weekend Ivan and I celebrated our two year anniversary on another bike trip! This time, we headed for the beach. We left early Saturday morning bound for Playa Manta, one of the closest beaches to San Jose and known for having calmer waters. We found the road there just fine, but then nearly pooped ourselves hobbling over 3.5 kilometers of holey, dirt road to get finally to the beach. But it was such a great beach! The water was indeed flatter and the beach was smaller than Esterillos Oeste but lovely, palm lined and perfect for a relaxing day. We left around two after we discovered that the high tide literally pushes you all the way back into the trees! Once we were up off the sand we figured it was time to go. We headed to an Air BnB I had found that was about a half hour on the way back to San Jose, off, we discovered, another dirt road! This one was only about a kilometer. At the BnB we met the lovely Claudine, a Luxemburgian transplant to Costa Rica who had a "casita" (little house) in her back yard by her awesome pool. The casita was adorable and the "backyard" was a professionally designed tropical garden surrounded by jungle and, of course, with a really great pool. We swam, we rested, we even walked back to the main road to eat dinner at a great little soda right on the corner of street. It was just such a great find! The next morning, Claudine cooked us breakfast on her porch which overlooked the jungle and was so high up that you could see the coast and ocean, not to mention all of the scarlet macaws playing in the trees! Needless to say, we very much enjoyed our little anniversary trip! The only downside was getting caught in the rain on the way back....and choosing NOT to put on our rain gear. I won't make that mistake again!


August 22, 2015

Routines are a Good Thing

Another week in the books and the settling in process continues to go smoothly. We GREATLY enjoyed our trip to Esterillos Oeste last weekend. The beach was practically deserted. I know it's rainy season but still! The beach itself is very wide and very very long, so the few people who were there could spread out from each other nicely. We enjoyed a lively game of three-on-three two hand touch football on the beach and some frolicking in the waves. The pacific beaches are quite wavey so swimming isn't always an option, but I have been told that the seasons effect the waves quite a bit. The high of the day's activities was listening to Ivan explain why football should not be called football, as he (correctly) pointed out that the ball is rarely kicked and in fact the ball isn't shaped like a ball. His suggestion is that we change the name from football (which confuses the Latinos anyways because futbol to them is soccer) and instead call American football "egg arm", because you are using your arm to throw an egg-shaped ball. Of course. 

At school, we had back to school night and I got to meet some of my students' parents. So far, everyone seems quite nice. I am still waiting for "but" to come in at some point, however, so far everything at work is going along busily and swimmingly. 

Back at the compound, we are easing into some enjoyable weekly routines. On Fridays, we have continued the trend of having small parties to celebrate the end of the week. This week, we  had some rousing games of Bananagrams and Cards Against Humanity. On Fridays, Michelle and I also roll down to the community center near our apartments for a free Zumba class. It's so enjoyable. The people are so nice, there are kids running around and no one is showing up looking all pretentious with matching spandex and diamond earrings. It's a great way to close the work week out. On Saturdays, we hit the market. I am getting really good at shopping at the market, knowing what to get and how much to get. Nothing has gone to waste yet so I am pleased with my process so far. Today at the market, I met a lovely Venezuelan father and son pair because I was wearing my Magallanes hat. The Magallenes are my favorite Venezuelan baseball team and the father was wearing the rival team's hat! They were so nice and I so enjoyed meeting them. Ivan says it's sad I am meeting all the nicest Venezuelans not in Venezuela. 

Tomorrow Ivan and I are excited to join a scooter gang that travels around on Sunday mornings to visit nice places outside of San Jose. Ivan found them on Facebook and is really pumped to talk scooters with the gang members. I told Ivan that this gang isn't going to be nearly as cool as my Grandfather's biker gang. Scooters can't top a bunch of old guys on Harleys! But then again, I have never heard of a scooter gang so this could prove interesting. Either way, it will be a great little adventure to close out our fifth week in Costa Rica! 

August 15, 2015

Un mes esta en el pais de Pura Vida

And just like that, we have lived in Costa Rica for a month. I can't decide if I feel like I have lived here for a year or three days- some days it seems like I've been here forever and other days (particularly those when I get lost) I feel like I just stepped off the plane. Either way, we continue to explore and enjoy our new home!

We've taken the bike out to the burbs of San Jose a time or two now with no incidents. Despite my naysaying, we haven't dropped her yet. We also still haven't decided on a name, so she will continue being "the baby". After my first practice session I have yet to try to drive her again myself. Ivan has gotten so comfortable on it that for the meantime I think that I am just going to backseat drive. We are hoping to take a trip to one of the closer beaches in the next few weekends! 

Speaking of beaches, we are looking forward to a number of beach trips in the coming weeks. Tomorrow we are heading out with a few friends to Esterillos Oeste, a small, tucked-away beach about two hours from San Jose. This is the beach that all the teachers who have been here for a while rave about. The second weekend of September, we are road tripping to Guanacaste, the peninsula on the pacific side where most of the famous tourist beaches are, for the Tamarindo Marathon. We've rented a very nice house that sleeps 12 and while Ivan and others run anywhere from 5km to a marathon, I will be waking up late and meandering to the finish line to cheer them on! The last weekend of September I am REALLY excited because SARAH LINKE SKANCKE IS COMING TO VISIT ME. I've taken a Friday off of work and she and I are going for a weekend escape! I could not be more excited to host one of my dearest and oldest friends as my first guest! She has also promised to be my pack mule so I am thrilled to get magic erasers and peanut butter. At least now I don't have to request toilet paper. 

School is going GREAT. I LOVE my job and my department. I am so enjoying getting to know the students. They are really wonderful young people. I got a great surprise this week as well when the assistant principal for the secondary school came into my office and asked if I would be the speaker for the senior awards ceremony! He said that the administration thought that I would be a good choice because of my "energy". Guess they have me pegged already! I was honored to be asked and I am excited to write my speech. I have also been excited to teach the 10th grade advisory class about character and careers. We have had some amazing discussions on character qualities, growth mindset and grit. The kids have really taken to it and it makes me so happy to help students engage with this content. My favorite comment so far came from a shy 10th grade boy whom I heartlessly called on as he was obviously trying to make himself as small as possible in his desk in the back of the classroom. I had asked the question "how do we define character" and had some good responses but none that really nailed it. So I called on Mr. Back Seat Hider and after a minute of reflection (or sheer fear) he said "Character is how people remember you." Boom. I was floored. Did I mention I love my job?

I also love getting to know the new cohort of people I came here with as well as the returning teachers. Living in the compound is really expediting the "getting to know you" process. As in, last night, we were having happy hour in one of the girl's apartments when we realized that Rob, the token single straight guy of the building, had a girl coming over for a date. So of course we all descended upon his apartment to help him clean it and hang pictures before her arrival. And then we accidentally spilled a huge glass of red wine all over the floor. Poor Rob. But in all seriousness, everyone is so nice and accepting. I know this because I was supposed to go out with a lot of the crew last night and instead fell asleep with all of my going out clothes on at 9:30 and no one gave me a hard time. Pura Vida, right?

August 9, 2015

Our First Three Weeks as Ticos

I have walked around half of San Jose. Eaten a lot of mangos. Been to the beach. Been to the jungle too. Seen a volcano (not too closely though). I've even made a doctors appointment over the phone all in Spanish ALL BY MYSELF.

So ya, I am going well here in the land of Pura Vida. It's been a whirlwind transition like any good transition is. On day two, Ivan and I moved into our tiny apartment. I am not going to lie: my Caracas apartment spoiled me. Moving into a very small, unfurnished apartment with no pool and tennis court almost did me in. I didn't cry, but I thought about it. It took about two weeks to get settled in and now I quite like the place; we've definitely made it our own. Before I arrived, I was determined to cook more and I am happy to report that, despite my tiny kitchen, I have made at least five full meals so far. Meals that included farmers market ingredients AND making necessary substitutes.  #omgIamfinallyreallyreallyanadult.

Amazingly, and with the help from some incredibly nice co-workers, Ivan and I have purchased a MONSTER moped. Like, I didn't know they made mopeds this big. I know Mom. I can hear you now: BUT TRACEY WHY DO YOU NEED AN EVEN BIGGER MOPED YOU ARE GOING TO GET YOURSELF KILLED. Calmate Mom. This baby is going to take us to the beach! It's definitely more of a bike for the open road, so it will get us around town and out of town for those oh-so-necessary beach weekends as well. For now, Ivan is the primary driver while I practice turning right and going over speed bumps, but I'll get there. I am very excited about our upgrade and for us to get comfortable enough to hit the open road. She is lacking a name though, so we are taking suggestions! 

School is, well, incredible. I am absolutely over the moon about my department head Monica. She and I are a two-woman college counseling show. Monica is a Tica who has been making some stellar changes to the department since she came a year and half ago. Last year it was approved to expand the department by one full time person....and here I am! I think we will make an excellent team. I also adore my secondary principal and the superintendent. They are both very progressive, nerd out on things like Grit and Growth Mindset and Character Education (LIKE ALL THE THINGS I LOVE AND READ ABOUT CONSTANTLY JUST FOR FUN) and are like. so. crazy. nice. and. welcoming. In fact, everyone here is so nice and welcoming! Ticos are very concerned that we gringos are happy and enjoying ourselves in the land of pura vida. 

Enjoying ourselves we have been. I have a great cohort of new teachers to get to know. It's not hard getting to know each other either- the majority of us all live in the tiny apartments together. Our building is nine units and each unit is a Lincoln School teacher! Since the building is surrounded by a wall, we have been referring to it as "the compound", but really it's more like being in dorms again. If you are home and accepting visitors, you just keep your door open. People stop by, chat, swap beers and stories. Friday night we have an impromptu 90's dance party on the balcony. In fact, right now I write this post from my "office"- a small table on the balcony overlooking the street and the yonder mountains. It is nice to be close to people. We can help each other out and it makes commuting easy. It also makes getting to know each other happen rather inorganically, as we can all hear what everyone else is doing at all times (even over the din of traffic). My wish is that we all continue to get along as well as we have been!

The location of the compound is stellar. It's only 4k from school, next to a discount grocery store and walking distance from a much nicer (abet more expensive) grocery store, a strip mall of stores and restaurants (including a drive thru only KFC), a community center (where I partake in free zumba on Mondays and Fridays!), an awesome, inexpensive year-round Saturday farmers market and a real, serious, fancypants mall! The Lincoln Plaza is a serious business mall that makes me feel more like I am in Miami than San Jose. It's way nicer than any of the malls I frequented in the US for sure! A little farther down the road we can walk or bus to a Walmart, an EPA (like Lowes or Home Depot) or the Tibas or Morovia plazas which are surrounded by a variety of stores. Ivan has found a number of great running routes and one of them is a nice 5k loop that I have walked a couple of times. Even though we are technically in the rainy season, the weather has been unseasonably dry this year so we are all trying to be outside as much as we can. 

All and all, the last three weeks have been good. I do have my moments. Sometimes I feel that things are just so "easy" here. Like San Jose is Latin America Lite. Sure, people run on Tico time and peanut butter is like a million dollars, but besides a few weird prices and inconveniences it is remarkably easy and manageable to live here. But then again, my bar is living in Venezuela. And I may be looking at it with rose colored glasses, but I kind of miss the challenge of living in Caracas. It certainly kept me on my toes. And I left all I knew and love for adventure, not drive through KFCs after all:). I'm sure I'll adjust to the easy life soon enough and shudder at the thought of going back to jetting out of work at a moments notice because there is milk in the store. But for now, I am letting myself mourn the loss of waiting in incredible lines, not being able to find toilet paper and spending over $1000 on plane tickets to the US. No really, I am missing my balcony, my friends, never having to spend money and my little moped Cindy. She certainly couldn't get me to the beach but she could take those speed bumps like a little champion. 


July 16, 2015

A New Adventure Awaits!

As you will notice, gentle reader, my blog name has changed. Pura Vida: My Adventures in San Jose, Costa Rica. Indeed a new adventure is about to begin. My time in Caracas has ended and I am off to greener pastures (literally greener- Costa Rica is the third most green country in the world according to EcoWatch). 

I am not going to lie: I am in a glass cage of emotion right now. The excitement is of course overwhelming. I am understandably nervous about starting over in a new place. But surprisingly, I am feeling quite homesick as well. When I left for Caracas, I was certainly excited and nervous, but (sorry mom) not even the slightest bit homesick. I was ready for a change, ready to see the world and ready to chart a new course. Now that I am a seasoned traveler, I am starting to feel those pangs of guilt and sadness for being away from home so much. Surprisingly I am not all that sad about missing the food (though I do miss Chic-Fil-A). I miss my family and friends, the land, the familiarity of it all. Most of all I miss having unrushed time to just be present with people. When I come home twice a year, it's such a rush, a blur, a squeeze trying to get as much time in with as many people as possible. 

Perhaps as I become a more seasoned traveler I will also become more efficient with my visits home. Also easing my suffering is the fact that I will be in a place where people will not only be able to visit me, but will also want to visit me! :) Everyone is invited! And truly, I am not ready to hang up my expat hat anytime soon. I spent my twenties looking to stability. It suddenly hit me at 28 that I had moved 12 times in 13 years and maybe my quest for stability was an ill-advised pursuit. Embracing my inner nomad was the best thing I have ever done. Looking back on the last two years, all I can compare it to is a zipper: it is like watching everything about my life fall into perfect sync. 

I realize that some of you did not get a rushed meal or phone call with me this summer, so I should probably run down my plans so we are all on the same page.

The first and most important aspect of my new adventure is that I am lucky and blessed enough to have a travel partner! Ivan Vasquez, my incredible (and by incredible, I mean incredibly patient, understanding and adventurous!) boyfriend will be accompanying me to San Jose. He is my rock and my very own superhero. I am so excited to continue our relationship in a new place and without a doubt it makes moving and adjusting so much less jarring. His Spanish will undoubtedly come in handy too, as will his knack for talking me off self-created emotional ledges. 

I will be working at Lincoln School, an international school located in north San Jose on the border of Heredia. I will be one of two College Counselors in the College Counseling department. I had the wonderful opportunity to visit in March and I love the school, my co-worker Monica is really the best person I could ever hope to work with and the students seem very motivated and kind. Just to clear up any doubt: THIS IS MY DREAM JOB.

Ivan and I will be living in a small (538 square feet, god help us) apartment approximately four kilometers from school. It is walking distance to pretty much everything we need and the school bus will take me too and from school. We are probably going to get some bikes and a moped for transportation. 

Along with successfully transitioning to a new country and new jobs, our goals are the following: hike volcanoes, surf the Caribbean and pacific, actually recycle consistently, join the San Jose Hash House Harriers and find a place in our 538 square foot apartment to hang our hammock. 

To those of you I missed this summer: I appreciate your patience. I also appreciate calls, texts, emails, Whatsapp messages, Vibes, Skype calls and Facebook pokes. Even if we haven't talked in years, it's always a joy to hear from you, so never hesitate just to say hey. Or visit. Seriously, you are all invited! 

May 25, 2015

What-Ifs, Big Decisions, Closing a Chapter and Finishing Off Foodstuffs

And just like that, two years flew by. I've had plenty of time to prepare for my departure. I've known that I was going to leave for eight months. I've sold my stuff. Started having goodbye dinners and parties. Finishing off bottles of liquor and stretching that jar of mayonnaise for all it's worth. Realizing I have way, way too much toilet paper. The end is indeed near and it's like I am suddenly realizing just that: the end is near. Frankly, I might not be ready for it. 

There are all kind of sudden panics floating in my head. What if Ivan and I don't love our new home, or worse, our love doesn't love it's new home? What if Venezuela, for all it's oddities and downright ridiculousness, is truly the place I love the most and will keep trying to re-experience for years to come? What if I never meet such wonderful friends again in an international post again? If "what ifs" were sharp, I'd puncture my skull with all of them bouncing around my head. It's like I completely forgot that last time, I didn't listen to the "what ifs" and it turned out to be the best thing I've ever done. 

However, there is something more permanent and scary about this round of "what ifs". I have to admit there is something about making decisions in your thirties that feels more intense and important, like THESE decisions are going to make or break all of my future happiness and well-being. Certainly, in our twenties, it seems like we have an endless number of start-overs. We could reinvent and reset and our general trajectory seemed unaffected. Not so now. How vastly different 29 and 31 can be. Though I know I will look back at that sentence in ten years, smile wryly and lament my ignorance and flare for dramatics, right now I am feeling like there is just more at stake now. Maybe it's just that the decisions I am making now ARE indeed more permanent, important and less resetable. Do I have kids, or not? Do I stay in Costa Rica, or not? Do I move back to the US eventually, or not? This are big'ums. Big'ums that I can't avoid making, so one way or another, I've got to run with one "what-if" or another. 

So why now, today, am I feeling this particular "what-if" state of emergency? Perhaps it's all the babies on my facebook feed or the fact that my departure from VZ is indeed semi-permanent as it is a f-ing difficult country to get back into. Maybe it's just that I have had this incredible life changing experience here and I am not sure how to run my encore. How do you encore life-altering? And more importantly, how do you keep the life-changing energy rolling? Maybe that's why my "what-ifs" are so startling this go round- I am just terrified of losing my inertia. 

Boom. There is it. As much as I bitch about this god-forsaken country, it has changed me. It has absolutely shifted my world view, woken my spirit, opened my mind to a world of opportunities and intrinsically changed me. And yes I am 31 and yes my decisions are undoubtedly more high stakes than before and they would be whether I am in Venezuela, Costa Rica or Virginia. But now, I have to not only make big decisions, but I have to make big decisions that keep me going in the direction of awesomeness that my last big decision took me in. I want to keep riding this train and I am so afraid to make a decision that will kick me off the train.

I'm going to take a few deep cleansing breaths. These what-ifs are going to help me finish my liquor bottles that's for sure. Right now my mother would tell me to keep the faith and my father would probably just tell me I am being silly and to take it one day at a time. Both sound pieces of advice. Say a little prayer and take it one day at a time. Okay, fair enough. Today, whiskey and finishing off the peanut butter. Tomorrow rum and maybe give away some toilet paper. And finishing that Spanish homework, because I don't want to add "what-if" my Spanish isn't good enough in Costa Rica to my "what-ifs"! AmIright? :)