I realized that I have felt the need to call my grandfather more since I returned to Caracas. I also realized that I feel less of a need to blog, and I have an inkling that these two phenomenon are related. The novelty of living afuera is slowly lifting. Living abroad the first year is like making your way through fog. You grasp blindly because you don't know what is going on around you- you try to make out the reality from the phantoms and find your way. It's invigorating and exciting and scary all in one. By year two, you've reached mid-day and things are clearer. You don't need to write your way through customs and confusions and cultural differences anymore. You know your place, and while the excitement never dissipates, the novelty does. This is your life now. You live here. And your life becomes more recognizable. You have routines, bills to worry about and you've tried all of the weird food now. Just like that, your adjustment period is over- your living your life period begins. And there just isn't that much to write about anymore.
Instead, I want to call. Call my family, my friends, the people back where I came from. The people in my original home. That feeling of having my feet in two different places doesn't seem to go away. In fact, it seems even more likely that I will suffer a permanent case of the splits, with my two feet planted squarely on the two American continents. I know I chose this and I continue to be thrilled that I took this path less traveled, but it doesn't make the being apart from loved ones thing hurt any less. A day doesn't go by that at one point or another I realize that I miss someone so much. Today it's my grandfather, tomorrow maybe it'll be my Dad. There are days where my girls back home seem so far away and missing being there for the little Katies and Richards and Julians and Brookyns and Tuckers grow up seems so brutal and sad.
Life is funny- it never gives you joy without sacrifice. For every joy you receive, there is something else you must relinquish. For children, I have seen my friends give up sleep, money and freedom. It seems crazy, but I know the joy they receive is worth more than anything. Just like in my life, for adventure, I relinquished my home. For love, I relinquished my life to lead as I please. For the road less traveled, I relinquished the clear and well-trodden path. I would never change these decisions for the world. And thus, I blog less and call my grandfather more. The natural order of things is as it should be.
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